Relationships in Islam. Youth is the time when the emotions are at a peak, risk-taking sentiments are at a maximum, and a rebellious attitude is overflowing in every action. Youth is an age of innocence, and also the age of dares. It is the age when the forbidden fruit looks the most tempting and the opposite gender looks the most attractive. And for Muslim youngsters, this age is the most testing – both for them and for their parents.
Are they mature enough to hold back from temptation? Are they close enough to Allah (SWT) to refrain from disobeying Him? Are they knowledgeable enough about their religion to know that it is a sin to engage in any form of relationship with the opposite sex unless it is for an unavoidable reason of necessity and in a manner ordained by the Qur’an?
How Do Boy-Girl Relationships Work in Islam?
The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” (Narrated by al-Tabrani in al-Kabeer, 486)
What Is A Haram Relationship?
The difference between love and a haraam relationship
Do you know what is considered a haram relationship? The definition of a haram relationship is a romantic or non-professional relationship between a man and a woman of marriageable age who are not each other’s mehrams. The stamp of “haram” does not only apply to illegal sexual intercourse, it also applies to touching, friendship beyond a professional level, chatting on the phone, and texting with the opposite sex. Basically, any sort of relationship with a non-mehram person of the opposite gender (beyond a non-romantic, necessity-based nature) will be considered haram. This is because there is an Islamic principle which states that anything which leads to the haram is also haram.
The Prophet (SAW) warned, “Behold! A man is not alone with a (non-mehram) woman but the third amongst them is Shaytan.” (Jami Al-Tirmidhi, 265) Which means that Shaytan will definitely turn an innocent meeting or conversation into something which is wrong and lustful.
So, if chatting between friends has the potential to develop into a haram romantic relationship, then chatting is off the table. If texting one-on-one has the potential of developing into a haram relationship, then that’s off the table, too. And even if something is strictly platonic, and you think that there is no way that could turn into something romantic, it’s still off the table because laws are made for the rule, not the exception. And Islamic laws are no different.
The Qur’an says, “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty.” (24:30) The same was also said for women in the following verse.
Why Do Youngsters Engage In Haram Relationships?
Many people ask the question, “Is friendship between a boy and girl allowed in Islam?” Simply look at the definition of haram relationships above and gauge for yourself. If there is the potential for wrongful feelings do develop, then that activity is something you should stay away from. But why do people find it hard to stay away from haram relationships? And more importantly, why do Muslim youngsters engage in this sin, thinking it to be okay?
- Lack of knowledge: Most young Muslims today are not informed about the importance of staying away from the opposite sex. They are not told what Islam says about having a crush. They are not told what the Qur’an says about relationships between boys and girls in Islam. They are not told the proper way of courtship in Islam. So, no wonder they think that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is okay. And even if someone tells them that it’s wrong, they think it is simply old people speaking, not religion. But the Prophet (SAW) said, following the same rule of whatever-leads-to-haram-is-haram, “The zina (adultery) of the eyes is looking (at that which is not allowed to look at).” (Bukhari, Muslim)
- Lack of parental guidance: At such a young age, when the years are few but emotions many, youngsters think that every other boy or girl is the love of their life. At that tender age, it is important for parents to guide their children towards the right path and teach them the difference between true love and false love. And false love is anything which leads away from Allah (SWT), so if an impermissible relationship in Islam is going to lead a person away from Allah (SWT), then it can not be considered true love in Islam.
- Peer pressure: With all your friends around you in seemingly loving relationships and dating people, it might seem like you’re the odd one out if you don’t have a partner and are not invited to couples’ outings. That might push you into finding a girlfriend or boyfriend yourself. But at what cost?
- Temptations of Youth: Youth is the age of temptations. And every forbidden thing seems attractive at that age, not to mention the opposite gender which seems attractive even in later stages of life. No wonder the Prophet (SAW) said that the man who resists the temptation of a beautiful woman of nobility will be one of the seven people who will receive the Shade of Allah (SWT) on the Day of Judgement when there will be no other shade (Bukhari).
Effects of Haram Relationships
Apart from the obvious sins that you gather from engaging in a wrongful relationship, there are many other effects of haram relationships.
- Loss of barakah (blessings) is halal relationships when you engage in a haram relationship and do not step out of it or repent for it.
- The opportunity for repentance is taken away the more and more you sink into sin, thinking it to be allowed.
- The heart becomes hardened from sin, making you less merciful and less bothered by wrongful actions around you.
- You lose the ability to enjoy worship such as salah (prayer), tilawat (recitation), and dhikr (remembrance).
- He/she leaves the circle of true imaan when in a relationship. The Prophet (SAW) said, “Faith comes out of a person whilst he commits fornication.” (Mishkat)
- The dating person’s modesty (haya) diminishes, and modesty is the defining characteristic of Islam, as mentioned by the Prophet (SAW) in a famous hadith.
How To Quit A Haram Relationship
If you are in a wrongful relationship, you should know that our religion also teaches us how to overcome that. Islam recognizes that sins of the flesh are common because Shaytan is always on the lookout to lead people astray. That is why our religion teaches us some practical tips and duas to help us stay on the right path. Below are some very useful tips to help you stay away from a wrong relationship if you are in one.
- Tawbah i.e. repentance. The first step to overcoming a problem is accepting that you have a problem. You’ve read above what haram relationships are and you can recognize if you are in one. The next step to overcoming the problem is to repent from it and promise yourself to never commit the sin again. And remember, Allah says in the Qur’an that He is Ever-Ready to forgive. “Say: O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He Who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (39:53). For more guidance, go through our earlier post on Forgiveness In Islam.
- Fast whenever you can. The Qur’an tells us that for people who are not married, but feel sexual desire, they should fast until they are able to marry. Fasting curbs sexual desires and keeps them at bay. The single Muslim is told to fast in a hadith of the Prophet (SAW): “Whoever amongst you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever can not afford it should fast for it will be a restraint for him.” (Sunan Al-Nisa’i)
- Make dua and pray to Allah (SWT) to help you stay away from sin. Ask Him with all your heart and with all sincerity. Allah (SWT) loves those who ask Him. And ask Allah (SWT) to grant you a righteous spouse in a blessed relationship instead of a partner in an unlawful relationship.
- Since Shaytan is the third in a room where a non-mehram man and woman are alone, it is obvious that he will try to plant unlawful thoughts in either person’s head. And a thought leads to the intention which leads to action. Avoid being alone with a person from the opposite sex.
- Do not prolong conversations with non-mehrams. Keep your voice firm and business-like when you have to talk to them so that in case there are any evil thoughts, you can nip them in the bud and give a clear message that your intentions are pure and only professional.
- Lower your gaze when you pass by someone of the opposite gender. There’s a reason they call it eye candy – because the eyes feast on beauty, too, and zina of the eyes is very common! You can’t want what you never saw so if you keep your gaze lowered, you will not be distracted by other people.
- Get married as soon as possible. Our religion also encourages marriage at an early age i.e. right after puberty. Reason? So that youngsters can focus their affection on one person only in a lawful manner instead of having roaming eyes (or hands). Youth is the age of roller coaster emotions and it is at that age that emotions need to be tethered. Today, it’s all about getting married after a person is ‘settled’ but do you know what the Qur’an says? “And marry those amongst you who are single (male and female). If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.” (24:32) And there you have it. You don’t need to be settled to get married. Allah will settle you if you get married!
- Make Dua. If you’ve fallen prey to a haram relationship, it is important hat you quit it today. You don’t owe anyone an explanation except Allah. Just remove all of it from your life and make dua to Allah. Here are two beautiful duas that can be useful for anyone looking for a dua to remove someone from your life or dua to break haram relationship:
Via
For further guidance on quitting a haram relationship or ending it, here’s a beautiful video by Nouman Ali Khan:
How To Avoid Haram Love?
Here are some simple things you can do to avoid falling in the trap of shaitan through haram relationships:
- Improve Your Worship
- Lower Your Gaze
- Remove The Objects Of Passion From Your Life
- Keep Yourself Busy In Good Deeds
- Marry According To Shariah
The Duty of Parents
It is the responsibility of parents to guide their children at this very young and volatile age. Children might like to think of themselves as grown-ups, but the truth is that they’re not yet mature enough and need constant guidance.
As parents, educate yourselves and your children on the kinds of relationships that are allowed and the kind that are not allowed. Teach them the difference and consequences of these relationships. Tell them what religion says and not just by fear and with regard to punishment, but with love and with regard to the rewards of pleasing Allah (SWT).
Make it a rule that children should not have passwords on their phones or computers. You should check your child’s chats – who are they talking to and what kind of conversations are they having? Being a parent is a full-time job and vigilance is key. Your parenting doesn’t end at just bringing children into this world, you have to prepare them for leaving this world, too. You have to teach them how to be answerable – to themselves, to others, and above all, to Allah (SWT).
From a young age, make sure that they are not exposed to sexuality or sexualized themes. Books, movies, conversations with friends – everything plays a part. Let them retain their innocence; they will learn as they grow and when they reach an appropriate age, you should be the one to tell them so that they have the correct concepts.
Yes, being a parent is tough. But it is a responsibility given to you by Allah (SWT) and He will help you through it. Children always need guidance, and the best people to do that are the parents.
We also recommend that you go through our earlier post on Islamic Parenting Tips & Quotes On How To Raise Children
Concluding Remarks
In conclusion, dating and boy-girl relationships are completely forbidden in Islam. On the other hand, if there are to be interactions between the sexes out of necessity, then it is important that the Islamic guidelines be strictly followed so that there are no chances of sin. It is important for everyone, and especially youngsters who are in the prime of their life, to understand what Islam says about haram relationships and how to stay away from them. Islam has laid down the framework – all we need to do is follow it.
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Do I have to stop talking to him after ending the relationship??
Yes, you have to stop talking. If you would like to discuss this with our community for suggestions, you can post on our new Islamic Forum.
Kind Regards,
Team TIQ
absolutly
It’s so difficult for me to just forget her like that.
We hope that the article will help you. You can also always reach out to your friends and family.
Best regards,
Team TheIslamicQuotes.
You do that for God who is greater than her
with patience and Emaan you can overcome that
Hello I have a question,
I have a child with a Muslim and i am a non-muslim by birth but I am ready to take shahada. i love this man and he said he intends to marry me but when i take shahada i want to be halal. I have told him I want to separate until he is ready for marriage. If in the future he would like to marry me and we both repent will our relationship ever be halal if we get married?
Yes my sister, your bad deeds will become good deeds and allah will reward you. Make is ASAP though, no one knows how long we live
JazakAllah for your kind words. I would also request that you check out our new forum for Islamic discussions.
Best regards,
Team TheIslamicQuotes
yes sister you are eligible for marred because your work is halal
I have been trying to get out of haram relation but I’m falling back again and again because he keeps contacting me . He is not leaving me alone . Thats y I’m falling back at some point . I’m struggling . I’m trying and trying 😢i dont know what to do .
If he is trying to contact and u don’t want to then you should block him from every source of contact so that u Don’t fall back again. Block from contacts no. Facebook, whatsApp, Insta, Snap, Telegram, G hangouts, and whatever apps there are. Do it now, Do it for the sake of Allah, its better for both of You. And plz read the above article again.
Very good suggestion.
I would also request that you check out our new forum for Islamic discussions.
Best regards,
Team TheIslamicQuotes
Jazakallah khair
Allah apko salamat rakhe or behad khair Barkat se nawaze apke article or apki bate sunker Masha Allah bohot log change layenge apni life m or iska ajar allah dega apko akhirat m
Allah apko khub tarakki se nawaze Ameen summa ameen 🤲
Jazak Allah sister.
I would also request that you check out our new forum for Islamic discussions.
Best regards,
Team TheIslamicQuotes
Umm I wanna ask like we are just friends, we have never met each other like we only used to see each other in school and after school ended now we don’t but we do talk to each other, we ain’t in a relationship cause its haram. Both of us don’t wanna commit this sin, so is it still haram?
Talking to a non mahram isn’t prohibited in Islam, but you can talk in a professional way for businesses or even study related matters ,Just don’t share your personal problems as you tend become emotionally attached to that person unknowingly.
Very beautifully explained Hadiya. In today’s world, it’s not possible to not talk to non-mahrams as we have to for work, studies, shopping and so on but we should do it within the limits set by Islam.
JazakAllah and Best regards,
Team TheIslamicQuotes
What about hurting another person’s feelings while breaking up? I am very concerned about this. What if another person never forgives ?
I’ve the same question, As breaking a heart or making someone suffer because of you is also a sin, I am really skeptical about this part. What if you walk off the haram relationship but the other persons heart is left broken and he/she suffers because of your decision of ending it. Will we still be punished or sinning because weren’t eventually hurting them by walking away?
They might be hurt but because you will leave them for Allah sbwt you will be rewarded, you can also pray for them to Allah sbwt so that their hearts heal, it’s tough but necessary. If they’re a Muslim then it’s better, you can explain them the situation, also if you think they’re really serious then you both should wait till you can get married and constantly pray for each other. May allah sbwt help us all
No no it isn’t wrong your first priority should be ALLAH SWT if u think the other person get hurt so u should try to make your relationship halal by incolving your families but if if it isn’t possible then u should walk away from this nd wait for best time if u don’t disobey ALLAH SWT nd wait with patience he will definitely make your relationship halah nd shower his blessings on your marital life so if u promise someone not to leave them or not hurt them but your this promise make you disobey ALLAH SWT nd leads u to pits of hell then it will be right or wrong? think abt it wisely
I believe that in such a situation, one should ask Allah for forgiveness. He forgives even the biggest sinners.
I would also request that you visit our Islamic forum to engage in Islamic discussions.
Regards
Team TheIslamicQuotes
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
No no it isn’t wrong your first priority should be ALLAH SWT if u think the other person get hurt so u should try to make your relationship halal by incolving your families but if if it isn’t possible then u should walk away from this nd wait for best time if u don’t disobey ALLAH SWT nd wait with patience he will definitely make your relationship halah nd shower his blessings on your marital life so if u promise someone not to leave them or not hurt them but your this promise make you disobey ALLAH SWT nd leads u to pits of hell then it will be right or wrong? think abt it wisely
Hello Dude !
I wanna know that I loved a person and still I am in love with her but the prob is that, as with the passage of time, She is losing interest in me. Now, at this stage, I don’t know what to do as I have come from a Quote of Hazrat Ali (R.A) , If you created feelings of love in one’s heart and after that you leave that one will be equal to murder. And Secondly, we are talking for around 6 years and my intention is just Nikah… Is it still a haram relation or not…
Unless you are in nikah, it is a haram relationship.
I would also request that you visit our Islamic forum to engage in Islamic discussions.
Regards
Team TheIslamicQuotes
His family already know me ND gotten used to me coming around, muswe tell d family we no longer dating or I av to cut Dem off too .
Again, is it permissible for him to gift me anything even wen we no longer date?
It is not permissible unlesss you are in his nikah.
I would also request that you visit our Islamic forum to engage in Islamic discussions.
Regards
Team TheIslamicQuotes
Will my relationship survive? I talked to a girl for 1 and a half month then we stopped talking. I intend to marry her later on like 5-7 years later when I am financially stable as I am currently studying. We have stopped talking and have intended to do it the halal way. Is it possible that I still remember her after not talking to her for that many years?
InshaAllah. Keep praying to Allah to make her a part of your life if this is what He finds to be the best for both of you.
I would also request that you visit our Islamic forum to engage in Islamic discussions.
Regards
Team TheIslamicQuotes
I am always looking at haram stuffs and then I go inside my room then I imagine it and start playing with myself AND MY BODY please HELP ME!!!!!! I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP
Please seek professional help. There are many professionals who offer online counselling for such issues.
I would also request that you visit our Islamic forum to engage in Islamic discussions.
Regards
Team TheIslamicQuotes
Here’s my story,
As mentioned in the article above peer pressure is one of the most manipulating factors to a haram relationship, It was same with me. My friend engaged in a haram relationship and I became jealous, when even though he did not looked happy, he exclaimed that it has not effected him any way neither mentally nor religiously, therefore me being not mature enough started my quest for girls to chat, it started out simple and I started following girls on Insta and wanted to talk to.most of them and I stumbled upon one too. First of all she had no intentions of engaging in relationship but i forced that due to my desire to be in one and forecd her to think about me and care about me. I actually don’t love her. I still dont know what love is and see myself as a idot to do this, to confess just beacuse of mere jealousy despite knowing that this is worng. She even told me that we should not go towards this path but I forced on my desire. Its been 2 months and I am hating this. I waste most of time chatting, My screen time has quadrupled, I cannot give my parents enough time, enagage in other sins such as lying, have no actual motivation of studying or working out. But then i realized all of this when recently I was praying and I felt as though I had no intention of praying or wasnt feeling at peace as I used to whilst praying. I cried so much that night. I now have no motivation to visit the mosque or read the quran or do anything actually and I am well aware that why all of this is happening.
But how heres my question, how can tell her to leave?as I have said that she cares about me and thinks about me all the time and now I have forced her to like me because of stupidness and immaturity through luvy duvey texts and what not. Therefore I beleive most of it is my mistake and now I want to get out. I have thought about blocking her and also lying to her to convince her to leave but even though I dont truly like her or am emotionally attached to her I dont want to break her heart and confess that I was wrong.
Me I’m a Muslim woman but I being talk with a someone I was in a huram relationship but now he decided to block me but now I don’t know what I’m going to do because he promised me to merry me
As salam alaykum warahmotullah wabarakatuuh
Please how Will i ask for forgiveness, haven’t been myself since things happened to me tho I don’t have sex with her but I hug and kiss her in a very romantic way, my heart, head and my body are so heavy, please how can I seek forgiveness?
I have always try to stop but I do fail I don’t know why I may stop for 29 day but I will go back one day please help me through with a suggestion
I have a question. I broke my relationship. But he is already my project partner. For this purpose we have to talk. and from this I cannot get out of this relationship totally. what can I do?
I always think about getting out of my haram relationship but I’ve become so attached I can’t leave him i try so hard i know its wrong I’m guilty but it’s very difficult to just leave someone you’ve stayed with for 3 years we talk daily i pray our for hidayat and i do tauba
I am a 20-year-old individual , and I am currently in a romantic relationship with my cousin who is 19 years old. She and I share mutual feelings of love and commitment towards each other, and we are desirous of formalizing our relationship through marriage.
Our intended union is, however, encountering resistance from our families due to the fact that we are considered foster siblings according to Islamic law. It is crucial to note that, according to Islamic teachings, individuals can be considered foster siblings only if the nursing mother has breastfed the child a minimum of five times or for a period exceeding two years. In our specific case, She was breastfed by my mother only once.
so can i marry her ?